undiagnosed crazies.

since i began dating again 3 months ago.
i keep having repeat run-ins with the aforementioned folks.
ugh.

i can keep hush hush bout my relationships. i feel like whomever i'm with deserves that much.
but if i dated you. and you need to be committed to an asylum. don't think for one second your ass is exempt from getting talked about.

UC #1. i met about 2 months ago and seemed relatively normal despite his gemini sign.
actually.
he was a bit much in the beginning. real emotional and catching feelings and whatnot.
but i didn't shy from it. i had just gotten out of a long term relationship. and to go from having limitless amounts of affection and attention one day. to absolutely nothing the next is maddening. so if ol' boy was showin me extra real early on. i was cool with it.
fast forward 2 months and homeboy lied about everything but the gatdamn color of the sky. i kid you not.
turned out he had a girl. which i found out about 3 weeks in.
and yes i behaved like i didn't have scruples, broke my cardinal rule and continued to see him solely for entertainment purposes. that'll come back to me one day. ugh.
homie had the nerve to be possessive and attempt to prevent me from dating anyone else. to make matters worse this man had mood swings so severe shit gave me whiplash.
what was the final straw?
he lied about his last name. why lie about something so insignificant? was my take. i never saw it going far to begin with, being the trifling philandering cockmunch that he was. but i had to question just because i'm curious by nature. so when i questioned him about it this is exactly how it went.

me: why'd you lie about your last name?
him: omg. i don't want to talk about this. it's gonna make me feel things i don't wanna feel.
me: *blinks rapidly*

UC #2. i met less than 2 weeks ago.
first warning should've been that physically he reminded me of my ex. a homoerotic douche whom i called boyfriend when i was 17.
he too was a bit much. after our first date he says "i wanna make sure you're on my arm everywhere i go this summer. don't give my time to no one else." ummmmmm. yeah. i replied, "is that so?" and hopped in the cab.
and to be honest. i ignored his phone calls and texts the week after that.
but then i had a brilliant idea friday night. i was supposed to go to the movies with my fave girl D. and see the hangover. but invited him and his friend figuring his annoyingness/borderline lunacy would be diluted in the presence of other folks.
WRONG.
he ended up bringin me and D to his house. drankin us up tombout some we'll go to the movies in a bit. then pulled the "i got this shit on bootleg" card.
ummm yeah.
that's my cue to exit. so his friend drove D to the train station. and i tried to go with but he said no he'll call me a cab.
when i try to get him to call me a cab he says no.
*record scratch*
negro whatttttttt????!!!!!!

me (standing in his doorway): i need to go home. NOW.
him: you go home when i feel like getting up.
me: *scans the room for a blunt object. wine bottle. bingo*
him: clearly you never been put in ya place. you need to be tamed.
me: *blank stare* oh yeah?
him: yeah.
me: *walks out the door on a mission for a bus stop*
him: tris. my fault. lemme just put u in a cab.

WTF?!
dating. i have officially given up on the whole institution.
I can not.
what happened to all the mentally sound people?
i must be crazy.
or the universe is playing a sick joke on my ass. having a demented cackle at my expense.
i hope its the latter.
until then. i'm vowing celibacy. *serious face*