the great pretender.

you can call me that. if you'd like.
those who know me know that, i have a knack for producing a faux happy facade.
despite what goes on in my life.
when i'm not pretending.
i recluse. withdraw from all means of communication and societal interactions. i pop up only when absolutely necessary.

around the beginning of march. (note also the time of my disappearance from the blogland.) i experienced a devastating blow. for which i could not find the words until now.
it was a break-up. a break-up that blindsided the shit outta me. the worst kind. the one you never saw coming. because long before you had cranked up the tunnel vision and saw nothing else but you and that person. regardless of anything.

i won't bore you with the whys and the hows.
but the aftermath was gruesome. i've spent the past 3 months tryna to get a good grip back on reality. on the person i was before. pre-him. you know?
it was like....i didn't. i don't know who i am anymore.
no.
i'm not holding onto him. that's done. fin.
but because i opened myself up so wholeheartedly to love. intertwined my destiny. my identity. with his own. i forgot about me.
the person i am independent of anyone else.

i've been dating. its not really fun. more annoying really. i hate wasting time.
and i've met a lot of douchebags who of course, have been wasting my time.
go figure.
but i'm having fun. i guess. still trying to make sense of it all. and get back to the ferociously fierce single gal i was. i can't tell now how long that will take.
time is relative. so i don't think it matters anyway.
i'm not sure if i'm pretending now.
*shrugs*


oh and btw. my disappearance. let's act like it never happened. xoxoxoxo.